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Fun Things When You're Poor

from Eat The Poor (Live) by Jonny & The Baptists

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lyrics

Ignore all the bills
Waste shopkeeper's time by pretending you could possibly afford something
Can't afford blue cheese? Get cheese and wait
Can't afford cheese? Get milk and wait a bit longer

You can walk instead of the bus
Your can try spaghetti without sauce
Oh no the bailiff's here
Fun things when you're poor

Can't afford skiing? Nail your feet to some wood and fall down a thatched roof.
Can't afford the pub? There's always an open bar at a wake
Can't afford board games? If you don't have monopoly, just walk around London.

You can share a lukewarm bath
You can make an origami hat
Oh no, someone stole your hat
Fun things when you're poor

Develop new adjectives for describing wine. Mmmmm this is less petrolly than I remember.
And if you don't like the taste of cheap wine
Why not try lowering your standards?
Can't afford to see the Greek plays? Create that drama in your own life by murdering your father and screwing your mother

You can sit in your only chair
You can take a day off with the kids
Oh no. You can't.
Fun things when you're poor

Can't afford the cinema? Watch TV.
Can't afford a TV? Look at a picture of a boat
Can't afford a picture of a boat? Draw a picture of a boat
Can't afford to draw a picture of a boat? Imagine a picture of a boat
Never seen a boat? Guess.

Your kids can stand in a park
Your kids can play with a stick
Oh no. The stick has broke.
Oh no. The cat has died.
Oh no. Michael Gove has thoughts.
Oh no. The floods are back.

credits

from Eat The Poor (Live), released November 11, 2016
Written & Performed by Jonny & The Baptists.

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Jonny & The Baptists London, UK

Nominated for five major awards (they’ve never won any), Jonny & the Baptists – real names Jonny
Donahoe & Paddy Gervers – have rapidly become one of the UK's hottest live musical comedy acts. They've featured on 'The Now Show' (BBC Radio 4), 'The Infinite Monkey Cage' (BBC R4), 'The Gadget Show' (Channel 5) and 'Sketchorama' (BBC R4). They once topped the iTunes Comedy Chart
with single ‘Farage’.
... more

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