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lyrics

Mother it's over I'm twenty-nine
You better take me off the shelf
I met this person who reminds me of me
We'll just get married and start making little versions of ourselves

It's been so many years since things were about me
I want one last chance to shine
Mother we need two-hundred thousand grand
I know it's a lot but we need to let people know we have that much to waste

And I wanna
Festival of Me
I wanna daylong power-wank of saccharine self-indulgent
Festival of Me

We used to watch Newsnight now it's Come Dine With Me
We may not care about the world but we're financially secure
The guests can fly themselves out to the Cote d'Ivoire
I know they can't afford it but it's my big day

And I wanna
Festival of Me
I wanna Berlusconi Marie Antoinette-scale whore's paradise of
Festival of Me

'Cause I want
Ponies with pictures
Of my face tattooed on them
Swans dressed in waistcoats
Their cygnets with signet rings
All serving crudités
Shaped like my fiancée
Tankards of Tanqueray
Eggnog from Fabergé

We’ll dig up Sinatra
To duet with my father
A lava of Cava
Falls over baklava
The sky full of white doves
Spells out our self-love
Mermaids in bathtubs
Drinking money from teacups

Inside this marquee
Is a thinly-veiled simile
For our dependency
On all things monetary
And all buy me presents
And wear your cheap suit, Jonny
And look at me laughing at you
We’ll take up all your weekends
And disposable income
And we won’t even bother
To give you a plus one
Who the hell are you going to bring anyway?
Just the guitarist again?
Do you have any idea
How embarrassing that is?
Look at you sat there at the back
Not even bothering to dance
You're so lonely
So inescapably lonely and alone.

I just want my own
Festival of Me.

credits

from Bigger Than Judas (Live In London), released October 14, 2013
Written and Performed by Jonny & The Baptists.

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about

Jonny & The Baptists London, UK

Nominated for five major awards (they’ve never won any), Jonny & the Baptists – real names Jonny
Donahoe & Paddy Gervers – have rapidly become one of the UK's hottest live musical comedy acts. They've featured on 'The Now Show' (BBC Radio 4), 'The Infinite Monkey Cage' (BBC R4), 'The Gadget Show' (Channel 5) and 'Sketchorama' (BBC R4). They once topped the iTunes Comedy Chart
with single ‘Farage’.
... more

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