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Upper Middle Class Gangster Children

from Jonny & The Baptists by Jonny & The Baptists

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Gonna tell you a story
Jackanory
It's quite political
Like a Newsnight Jackanory

I'm sure that you've all noticed that our world's divided
The gap between the rich and poor continues to widen
We used to fear the hooded youths with knives and razors
But now the real threat comes dressed in scarves and blazers

I was walking down the wealthy part of Ladbroke Grove
When I was stopped by a group of seven twelve year olds
The largest had a piece and was all dressed in mauve
Like a ganster-tripping four-foot-seven Michael Gove

They were
Upper middle class, upper middle class
Upper middle class gangster children
Upper middle class, upper middle class
Upper middle class gangster children

The alpha of the gang looked like a privileged creature
When he opened his mouth I thought he'd quote me Nietzsche
But he said 'You better respect or else I'll beat ya
Got a Glock 17 and a peach Ribena'
He took my wallet, took my phone, no negotiation
Then he set upon with his pedigree dalmatian
What does the future hold for our nation
If only kids like that can pay for third-tier education (SATIRE)

Upper middle class, upper middle class
Upper middle class gangster children
Upper middle class, upper middle class
Upper middle class gangster children (break it down now)

So pop a cap in my ass, call the waste-bin the trash
Ask my dad for some cash, wear a beanie with my prefect sash
Selling product on the street with my brothers and cohorts
Weed, smack, crack, coke, and liquorice allsorts
Cornrow my hair, y'all better beware
Next year I'm gonna stick it to the French Au Pair
I ain't mad at ya, ain't gonna diss ya
But your Levee tailcoat is just so last Easter
My iPod's packed with 50 Cent and G-Unit
But I prefer the soundtrack to the sound of music
I'm a demon on the mic, I spit rhymes like fire
I sang Mezzo-Soprano in the Chapel Choir
I've got one tab downloading Snoop and Shaggy
The other's ITV Player - Downton Abbey
Signing onto the dole cause my horse just had foals
Then I'm popping round to Rupert's to play eighteen holes
We're on our way to the show, we got vodka and lager
Got front row tickets to 'Les Misérables'

Croquet, Soufflé, Flambé, Kanye
Crazy, Hazy, Jay-Z, Cream-Tea
Hampshire, Asthma, Hamster, Gangster
Handguns, Diamonds, Drug-Runs, Trust-Funds

I wanna fear the kids that riot in Tottenham Hale
Not the kids that push in line at the Jack Wills sale
Cause the problem's not the gangster slang and prep-school dress
It's that in ten years time they'll dismantle the NHS.

Brap.

credits

from Jonny & The Baptists, released October 10, 2013
Written and Performed by Jonny & The Baptists.

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Jonny & The Baptists London, UK

Nominated for five major awards (they’ve never won any), Jonny & the Baptists – real names Jonny
Donahoe & Paddy Gervers – have rapidly become one of the UK's hottest live musical comedy acts. They've featured on 'The Now Show' (BBC Radio 4), 'The Infinite Monkey Cage' (BBC R4), 'The Gadget Show' (Channel 5) and 'Sketchorama' (BBC R4). They once topped the iTunes Comedy Chart
with single ‘Farage’.
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